Have you ever been rejected so many times for something you stopped asking? Have you ever felt so bad from a rejection you thought you deserved it? If you ever stopped asking for what you wanted because you thought no one would answer yes or all the rejection has convinced you that you are unworthy of getting a yes, then listen up. There is hope. You can turn things around to your benefit.
According to rejection therapy expert Jia Jiang, rejection may feel like a moment of failure at the time but it is really a moment of opportunity. In his popular TED talk 100 Days of Rejection and his book Rejection Proof, Jiang shares how you can reframe any rejection to an opportunity.
Consider rejection an opinion not a fact.
Rejection is just one person’s opinion. It’s not the world’s opinion. So when you pitch your idea for a business and an investor says, “That won’t work” (like the idea for Netflix) or “Why would anyone use that?” (the idea for Shazam), remember the next person might feel differently. Someone may think your business idea is a perfect solution that everyone needs. You just need to keep asking until you find the right person.
Treat rejection like a numbers game.
If you give up the first time you hear no, you will never hear a yes. Jiang says success is often a numbers game. You have to be rejected a number of times before you become successful. Matthew Pollard, the author of The Introvert’s Edge, heard 92 noes on his first day at sales before getting a yes. Now he is a sales expert, advisor, and author. Speaking of authors, Stephen King’s first novel Carrie was rejected 30 times before it was accepted for publication. After that, he’s published more than 30 books and Carrie was turned into a cult classic film.
Learn from your rejecter.
Rejection is an opportunity to learn something to help you become better the next time you ask. When Jiang was doing his 100 Days of Rejection experiment, he went to a stranger’s door in Texas and asked the homeowner if he could plant a flower in their backyard. The man said no. Jiang could have left and knocked on another door, but he decided to ask why, and the man explained that his dog would chew up the flowers. Then the man suggested Jiang go to his next-door neighbor who loved flowers. By learning why the person rejected him, Jiang was able to find a person who would say yes to him.
Make a smaller request.
Most people do not like to disappoint people. Sometimes when you are rejected for your first request, you should rebound by making a smaller second request. In Robert Cialdini’s groundbreaking book Influence, he found people were more likely to grant a smaller request after saying no to a big request. For example, when you ask for a loan from a bank and they say they don’t fund small businesses like yours. Then you could ask if they know banks who might be interested in funding small businesses. You might end up with an expert recommendation—and a loan.
In life and business, you’ll never hear a yes unless you ask enough times. No is just a starting point for learning how to make a better request. The next time you hear no, just remember to ask why and learn from the process so you can get a yes from the next person you ask.